Exponential Ramblings

Cracking open a new book of poetry is like taking a portal into another mind, another world. A good poem has texture and fills the senses with longing to connect with the writer. We want to feel connected, loved, a glowing tribute. We want to feel our hearts fall through our stomachs as we relive the moment we fall in love until the time we break up. We read poetry to feel and relive moments. A snapshot. A glimpse. An intake of breath. Inhale. Exhale. A warm hug and a tug on the heartstrings. A solitary tear of joy or sadness. A flash of anger and despair. But what do these feelings look like? They say the strength of writing is in the strength of nouns and verbs. But what good are they when you can’t understand the scene? What is the scene? As I glance around my home, what drives emotions? Is it my peach coloured coffee cup that reads “Today’s Mood: Bitchy with a Chance of Sarcasm?” Is it my pitbull knocking cushions from the couch and my furtive glance in his direction as I f...

Swag from Rural Retreat 2018     Normally, when I sit down to write about an event, an issue, or a cause the words flow freely. I could start at the beginning, which I tried, and found that strategy useless and unenthusiastic. But I am not apathetic nor am I super hyper excited. What I have found from this weekend's Democratic Retreat is that I am more focused on bringing back to my committee what I learned from the sessions that I attended. Krystal Henson: Design Thinker    I am grateful for the organizers that worked diligently to put this past weekend together. I am grateful for the last minute sponsorship of Deb Baum and Steve Bunn from the CD9 (congressional district). I learned about the basics of Votebuilder and how to create a strategy for canvassing in a way that helps our committee update the database and zero in on potential voters for House and Senate races. I enjoyed Barbara Jones and Krystal Henson's presentation on leveraging social media to h...

  The fact of the matter is that I am moving for the third time in four years. It's a process that is annoying and overwhelming. I thought that after I graduated college and moved into my boyfriend's place that would be it. No more moving. No more shuffling.    I whittled all my belongings down to 170 square feet from 2300 square feet in 2013. I threw a lot of items out, mercilessly. Kitchen items that were functional and storage units that could hold plenty of stuff. Knowing that I had little space to work with and lacked funding to rebuild a materialistic empire, I only purchased yarn, books, and art supplies in the past few years.    I try to keep a tight lid on spending despite the fact that I would like to buy one of every item from my part-time job at a craft store and I check more books out of the library than I buy. Which does not count for much since I can check two or three books out and buy the book I must have from Barnes and Noble the same week. B...

     Granny passed away February 3rd, 2018. I think a lot of us who were closely involved in her life and her final days are working on recuperating and healing. I don't think that there is any doubt that our lives have changed. There is a sense of relief as well as the loss of someone who shaped the person you were to become.     My siblings only know my mom's history since her 2nd marriage. Mom married my biological father September 2nd, 1973. I was born September 4th, 1974. Back then, in order to become independent and start a family you married young and went off on your merry way. Mom's home life was bit turbulent before her marriage and each of grandma's children shared in this turbulence. Our family has a history of anxiety and depression. Grandma may have suffered too but she hid it from everyone outside of family.     My biological father was a narcissist. There is really no other way to put that. You pair a strong woman with a self-cen...

        I read an article on Thrive yesterday that talked about journaling first thing in the morning in order to have a less anxious day. We shall see in a few weeks if that is true. Most people might write about what there upcoming day will be like. It's a good technique for students to use if they have test anxiety. I've noticed that my brain is nonlinear and does not really think about daily activities. It works on the big picture. Here is a glimpse into my working/waking brain. Page 1 in pink gel pen     When in doubt, shout it out. From the rooftops and over the mountains. Why would you stop? The light of the sun breaks and builds chemicals of our own waste of which we breathe. Ozone and ozonolysis reactions intoxicate our lungs creating pock mars rendering interstitial tissue a wholly wasteland. What does it do? Supports the lungs. Supports the breath and deep breathing. Clears the lungs of old oxygen and diseased blood pools.     ...

    As a friend told me once, things happen to you but your response is greater than what happened. My family was not prepared for trauma. Usually when people experience major life problems they see the help of a family friend who may encourage them to seek professional help. Up until the past ten or so years, seeking out the help of a therapist was frowned upon. My grandmother frowned upon shrinks and passed it down to her children and so forth. Psychology was a relatively new field in their day and neuroscience has come a long way since then. You were considered weak if you sought out help outside the family.     As I am lying in bed at 3 AM, as I often do in my sleep cycle, I thought about where the origination point of trauma and symptoms occurred. My family was in a major car accident around Christmas when I was fifteen. We were lucky to walk away from it. Two months later, my fingers turned white during Winterguard practice in the gymnasium and the pain was ...