Exponential Ramblings

        I read an article on Thrive yesterday that talked about journaling first thing in the morning in order to have a less anxious day. We shall see in a few weeks if that is true. Most people might write about what there upcoming day will be like. It's a good technique for students to use if they have test anxiety. I've noticed that my brain is nonlinear and does not really think about daily activities. It works on the big picture. Here is a glimpse into my working/waking brain. Page 1 in pink gel pen     When in doubt, shout it out. From the rooftops and over the mountains. Why would you stop? The light of the sun breaks and builds chemicals of our own waste of which we breathe. Ozone and ozonolysis reactions intoxicate our lungs creating pock mars rendering interstitial tissue a wholly wasteland. What does it do? Supports the lungs. Supports the breath and deep breathing. Clears the lungs of old oxygen and diseased blood pools.     ...

    As a friend told me once, things happen to you but your response is greater than what happened. My family was not prepared for trauma. Usually when people experience major life problems they see the help of a family friend who may encourage them to seek professional help. Up until the past ten or so years, seeking out the help of a therapist was frowned upon. My grandmother frowned upon shrinks and passed it down to her children and so forth. Psychology was a relatively new field in their day and neuroscience has come a long way since then. You were considered weak if you sought out help outside the family.     As I am lying in bed at 3 AM, as I often do in my sleep cycle, I thought about where the origination point of trauma and symptoms occurred. My family was in a major car accident around Christmas when I was fifteen. We were lucky to walk away from it. Two months later, my fingers turned white during Winterguard practice in the gymnasium and the pain was ...

   The idea of using spoons to measure the energy of people with invisible and chronic illness is not a new concept. You could use any object that you wish. Some people use the change around their house to keep track of their energy levels. Spoons happen to be an excellent visual simply because there is only so much material that can be held in standard tablespoon before the material you gathered with it overflows.    So how does it work? Think of each spoon as a fixed amount of energy you have to give to tasks. Every day is going to vary in how much energy you have to give. If you wake up feeling like you only have one spoon of energy, save it for yourself. Today, I am guessing that I have about four or five spoons to give. I automatically save one spoon for me. I also know that I have to work tonight and that might require one to two spoons depending on the busyness of the store. There is a threat for severe thunderstorms that may produce severe wind events so I...

    I feel guilty a lot and for no good reason. For some reason, probably a virus, started spinning up around 11 PM on Thursday night all the way through Friday. I had to call out of work. On other days, when they try to call me into my part-time job I look at someone in my family, boyfriend, or best friend to see if I should go in or not? If no one is around, I go in. I’ll do this in spite of anything else that I should be doing instead, such as taking care of myself.     But today, even after whatever it was that subsided sometime after noon, I felt out of sorts and sapped of all energy. When I don’t feel guilty, I often feel like a failure or an imposter. So this emotional roller coaster that plays in my head I force to be quiet and try to lose myself in the busyness of life. These thoughts will always be there. I have accepted that. Sure I could take the emotion out, yell at it for a few rounds, and pretend to toss the damn thing out. But they always sneak the...