Random, compiled thoughts on love and relationships.
Ever since my last post, I have been thinking quite a bit about the topic of love and what it means. Love is such an important topic, yet there is no class on it. Not any one that goes to any real depth. This may be a problem for humans to begin with, depth.
We fear something that is so good for us. To what end? More than likely our love life suffers due to our own ego. I am testifying from personal experiences. We don't like to be vulnerable. Hell, we don't like to be in uncomfortable situations that require some form of vulnerability.
Love allows the type of human growth that cannot be gained anywhere else because it is the most uncomfortable emotion. We are afraid of it. Afraid of showing who we really are and afraid of being rejected by those we hold in high esteem and affection.
But doing this creates an extremely selfish person. Why? Because you don't shine when you hide in shadows. No one gets to learn about the real you and if they cannot learn about the real you then maintaining a relationship becomes difficult for you and for them.
What can you and I do about it? Concentrate on self. Our capability to love comes from within ourselves. You must deem yourself worthy of the love that you seek. Don't be afraid of a relationship not working out. Sometimes people grow out of the relationship faster than the other person.
Many times one person grows faster than the other. When that happens, resentments build and tensions rise because you (or they) are waiting for you. If this is happening, you (as a couple), are already out of balance. This is the importance of clear communication. One of the key reasons why you should still date your partner. Make sure that you are both on the same page.
If you are not, then the next step requires empathy. It requires the kind of communication that exposes feelings. Such as, "I hear you say ____, is this what you mean?" Putting the ego aside is an absolute to make this work. You are trying to reiterate what you heard. I have seen far too many couples not be explicit enough in their communications and then a disagreement ensues.
Then when the disagreement ensues, then each person does their best to hurt the other in order to defend self. Don't defend self, don't justify an angry response with another response. A story told to me about a couple, the wife called her husband a "cabbagehead" during a spat. The husband had to stop and laugh because the response was unexpected. Good thing the wife doesn't believe in using foul language. Something maybe that should be used more often. Oh, and sarcasm may not be the best form of response either. Remember, removal of ego.
Post spat, forgive. A relationship isn't a contest of wills. Both people lose when that happens. Whoever transgressed, you may have to come to a point where the other person may not forgive. If they don't, that means you must be the bigger person and forgive and let go. You cannot make your partner let go or change their mind, they have to. If they can't leave their ego behind, there may not be much hope in sustaining the partnership.
Love allows the type of human growth that cannot be gained anywhere else because it is the most uncomfortable emotion. We are afraid of it. Afraid of showing who we really are and afraid of being rejected by those we hold in high esteem and affection.
But doing this creates an extremely selfish person. Why? Because you don't shine when you hide in shadows. No one gets to learn about the real you and if they cannot learn about the real you then maintaining a relationship becomes difficult for you and for them.
What can you and I do about it? Concentrate on self. Our capability to love comes from within ourselves. You must deem yourself worthy of the love that you seek. Don't be afraid of a relationship not working out. Sometimes people grow out of the relationship faster than the other person.
Many times one person grows faster than the other. When that happens, resentments build and tensions rise because you (or they) are waiting for you. If this is happening, you (as a couple), are already out of balance. This is the importance of clear communication. One of the key reasons why you should still date your partner. Make sure that you are both on the same page.
If you are not, then the next step requires empathy. It requires the kind of communication that exposes feelings. Such as, "I hear you say ____, is this what you mean?" Putting the ego aside is an absolute to make this work. You are trying to reiterate what you heard. I have seen far too many couples not be explicit enough in their communications and then a disagreement ensues.
Then when the disagreement ensues, then each person does their best to hurt the other in order to defend self. Don't defend self, don't justify an angry response with another response. A story told to me about a couple, the wife called her husband a "cabbagehead" during a spat. The husband had to stop and laugh because the response was unexpected. Good thing the wife doesn't believe in using foul language. Something maybe that should be used more often. Oh, and sarcasm may not be the best form of response either. Remember, removal of ego.
Post spat, forgive. A relationship isn't a contest of wills. Both people lose when that happens. Whoever transgressed, you may have to come to a point where the other person may not forgive. If they don't, that means you must be the bigger person and forgive and let go. You cannot make your partner let go or change their mind, they have to. If they can't leave their ego behind, there may not be much hope in sustaining the partnership.
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