Women who don't know how to be loved.

  This article came to my attention last night. Quite a few of my women friends after I posted it began to talk about how much they identified with the article. I cannot speak to their experiences but can only speak to my own.
  Some days I feel like I walk around with a sign that says, "I am not worthy of love and I have nothing to give." This could be depression speaking and it probably is. But I also know plenty of men who suffer from this too. I encourage you to read the article in order to understand what I am talking about.
  One of my first life lessons was that people you love will always leave you. For our safety, my biological father left the family. He also found that spending money on his daily habit was more important than paying his child support until he felt it was time to see me.
  The second life lesson was being bullied all the way up through to high school. My family moved around a lot so making friends was always difficult at best. When we finally settled into Swansea, I still only had a few good girlfriends.
  During this whole time, the only thing I felt that I could rely on was my immediate family and my success in school. When everything else seemed to be going wrong, I knew that I loved to learn. That teachers were one of my very few supporters.
  Maybe that is why I like being in college. The relationships are easy to handle, I can leave anytime I want, and it is surrounded by something that I love, education.
  Love relationships have been very difficult for me. I usually sabotage them within the first 3-6 months. Being in love with me is the most difficult job anyone can have. Just ask my ex-husband. He gave up when I was ready to work on it. What he did not know was that I had always been loyal to him and I was always very blunt and honest. I am loyal to the core. If the relationship does not crash and burn, I am there for life, even as a friend. I am the one who will drop everything and come to your rescue. I am the one who will not abandon you because I know what that feels like. The article very briefly touched upon that but so lightly that it was easy to miss because people only read what they want to which is usually negative.
  Most people get butterflies in their stomach when they fall in love. I get sick to my stomach. I get nervous. I worry that I don't have anything to offer. I am afraid also afraid of failing; failing expectations mostly. As a college student, I definitely don't have money, I have as much time for love as a corporate executive, and the only thing I have is a brain. Intelligence is not highly valued in most relationships. When people are ready to enter my life it takes a lot of work for me to work them into my life and make them a priority since I have crammed it to the hilt. Women who are hard to love generally schedule so many things into their life that they don't have time for love and therefore do not have to worry about it.
  I feel like I am rambling, I have not had any coffee yet, and quite honestly... looking at all this is very depressing. I have worked very hard to supress depression for the past year and don't need to dredge it up at this moment.

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