Green

   Green is an emotion I rarely ever wear. Yet, it has come up more often than normal for the past few months. I am not sure why. I used to be very grateful for things. Actually, I have a very weird way of showing that I am grateful. Or, my particular way is such that most normal people do not understand. But due to a lot of poor communication, signals and paths were crossed and I, surprisingly, can get easily confused. I get easily confused when people are not very specific. I am not sure if it's due to lack of vocabulary or the fact that many simple words can take on different connotations. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If I ask for clarification, it is because what was said is far too general for my liking. Sorry, I'm a bit of a verbal snob like that. Be pedantic, you'll score brownie points for trying to sound more educated.
    Now that my mind is far clearer than it was two weeks ago, I have to come face-to-face with some doses of reality. I am green with envy, jealous. Which is weird. I have not been jealous since... when... yeah... it's been a long time. Especially when I can't remember the last time that I was jealous.     But hey, at least I recognize it. Now I can deal with it because this is an emotion you don't want to carry around. It's a close cousin of hatred. When you are jealous, you begin to not like things or people that the emotion is attached too. Every word they utter is deemed as a personal attack, even if it is not meant to be.
   It is what it is, my problem and no one else's. It belongs to me. Now I am going through meditation and affirmations to rid my mind and body of all this negativity. I can't go back to it. Whether or not my feelings were justified or not, based on popular opinion, I feel that they were. The emotions are mine and I can do with them as I please. And it pleases me to get rid of them.

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