Holidays and purging thoughts.

"It's ok to not act normal around the season... but some people are abusing the privilege." 
~Amanda, FB status update 12/23/12


  I see nothing wrong with acting silly or trying to have fun, especially since this has been one of the most oddest and stressful of holidays and years. 2012 will go down in the books as being the year people lost their cotton-picking, ever-loving minds. Including myself. 
  I have a lot to worry about. I have a lot to stress over. I am thanking that school is not in session so I can take this time to breathe again. The husband and mother-in-law will be out between Dec. 29th and Dec. 30th. I need to find three housemates STAT, at one of the worst times of the year. I am hoping, in the next few weeks of the new year, that returning students to VWCC, Hollins, or Radford may be looking for a new and calming place to live. I am all over this calm, centered, self-sufficient individual thing. I have to. I need to. Not to prove myself to the world but to prove to myself that I can do just about anything as long as I keep my focus on number one, me.     
  Quite frankly, no one is going to do it for you. So, I am going to have to use every trick in the book to, not only survive, but to flourish. And I know I can. I love my friends and family, don't get me wrong, and they are a great sense of support and love. But their love for me is not going to be effective unless I can love myself. 
  I have also come to the realization that I am quite used to dropping my ball and picking up someone else's in order to help them. While it helps that person and makes me feel better for the short term, I realize that I am behind on myself or kicking my own arse for not taking care of something that I needed to. I have been getting better at saying "no" and finding a compromise. I have also learned that I am really not that flexible of a person. I don't like last minute changes and I have trouble shifting gears in the middle of something. It makes me quite cranky. I have to give myself at least five minutes to adjust my thoughts. So if I snap at you while adjusting, I am truly sorry, but I need that moment to shift gears. I am not a flipping Jack-in-the-box. 
  Is there anything else I should get off my chest at this moment? Yes, I know what I want to be and what I want to do. I wear many hats and I look to the scientific and educational forefathers and mothers that I like to emulate. Strong, smart, tough cookies, wacky sense of humor, and knew when to take a break and just let themselves live. We don't live enough when all we have to live for is anxieties. It's tiring and wearing physically, mentally, and emotionally. 
  And if all you have to live for is talking about me or wondering what I am doing with my life, good. I think that it is high time you reflect on your own life if you are too busy thinking about my choices and decisions. It is obvious to me that you need to add a few more hobbies. If you need help finding one, I have plenty of things you can help me with around my house as I clean up for the new one I am setting a course for. 

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