How to bag a Nerd.

  This is one of those "I haven't had my meds and this is what I thought about while I was mowing the  lawn" type of post. This post is meant to be funny and there may be a few gems of truth in it. 

   Let's you and I take a ride into the Dork Forest and I will show you a reclusive creature. These creatures are not as rare as we think, we will call this creature, the nerd. Usually they lurk behind test tubes and lab benches. Some can only be seen by the light a computer screen. There are about as many male and female versions of the nerd. These other-worldly beings are passionate about what they do. It could be science, math, or computers. They are prized for their ability to reproduce other intelligent and successful creatures. This is my guide for finding, catching, and keeping one of them.

How to catch their attention

   You can't just pop out in front of one them and just introduce yourself, especially if they are engaged in one of their ritualistic tasks. You will recognize what these tasks are by the tunnel vision they appear to suffer from during the task until task completion. Some experts call this hyper focus. However, there are a few tricks that should direct the creatures attention away from the task.
  Try these cryptic phrases:

  • If male, "Omg! Is that Jeri Ryan in her 7 of 9 jumpsuit over there?" 
  • If female, "They should have picked a better actor than Chris Hemsworth to play Thor."

After you have their attention
  
  You must begin a conversation that maintains their interest. The best way to do this is be yourself and be interested in their work or their hobbies. Once you have started a conversation, learn as much about it as you can. The language behind their area of interest is very unique. You would not think that these creatures would have a social structure but such a one exists. The nerds interests will vary from Star Trek to Star Wars, from Warcraft to Halo, or from DC versus Marvel and their social clusters will revolve around these concepts. It also helps if you have an interest in science. Any science. If this is part of your normal conversation repertoire and you happen to be drop dead gorgeous, as well, then there should not be any issues in coaxing the nerd back to your place. 

The Care and Maintenance of a Nerd

  Nerds are generally low maintenance as long as they have access to their interests and hobbies. Beware, they may have issues in understanding and coping with your friends at first. Eventually, they will come around and may even attempt to talk to at least one of your friends if that friend happens to be nerd-like in any way. While it may seem like nerds do not need much attention, you want to make sure that you show them a deep affection for them and their kind. You may get caught up in one of their subjects of interest. If you find that they are excited about what they are talking about but you are stifling yawns and ready to take a nap, try a few of these tactics to divert their attention. 
  • Get them into an activity that you can both enjoy. "Say, aren't we supposed to run with the guild and down Cthulu in the Tomb of Terror?" (It's been a year since I played Warcraft, give me a break.)
  • Switch topics or catch up on the DVR. "Hey, did we DVR the new episode of Defiance the other night?"
  • Plant a kiss. That's right. Spontaneity catches each nerd off guard. A sexy line may even guarantee a little nookie too. "I get so hot when you talk nerdy to me." 
These are only a few suggestions on the Nerd. I hope you find them useful. 

The Female Nerd

The Male Nerd



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