Groundhog Day.


  Did you ever get the feeling that your life keeps repeating itself? As in a very realistic form of the movie, except the calendar date actually changed? Or that your life is following this really oblong path? 
  Some days it feels like I have lived it all before. I have seen it all before. Eventually, you get tired of repeating mistakes but sometimes you just can't seem to help it. So you try and make a different choice only to realize it just got you back to the same place. Again. 
  But this isn't the time to complain and it is certainly not the time to run away and hide under a rock for the last five months of the year. This is the time to let go of stage fright and put myself out there. If anyone knew how much I have been knocked down in my life, they would be surprised at the fact that I have never crawled into a bottle or submersed myself into some walking catastrophe. 
  The problem is, I have been trying to play it safe. I cannot play it safe anymore. I have to learn to take risks. Normally, I weigh out all the options before I take the risk and being a perfectionist... well... I am sure you are beginning to see how few risks I really take. 
  I practiced saxophone yesterday. It has been two weeks too long since I have practiced. So, out comes the calendar and I am practicing. No matter who is around and for whatever reason. If I need to, I can go up the college and cuddle up to a practice room with a piano. I missed it. I never knew how much I really did miss it. It is a part of me. I was practicing the music of my life. Soon, I will record the music of my life and post it on Youtube. I will also record a few other things for other projects and post them. I need to go through my projects and show people what I can do. Most don't have any idea. How am I going to be successful unless I tell my story? 
  So, early to bed it will be tonight as I attempt to approach my version of normality. The Conqueror. The Fearless. But for tonight, I will cuddle with my dog, pet the last cat I own (a beautiful and testy Russian Blue), sip my White Oriental Tea, and enjoy a dark chocolate square with salted caramel inside and peanut butter on top, my version of Sinful Delight. All while watching the NFL Preseason of my favorite boys on the Patriots kick some fierce ass, for they are cleaning up the stadium with the Philly Eagles feathers for mop heads.  

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